I went from hot mess to hallelujah one action step at a time.

Essential oils vibrate at high frequencies and can be used to strengthen prayer, mindfulness, devotional time, and worship.  When I apply the oils to my wrist and inhale them I pray an approach my prayer journal with an attitude of expectancy. I know when I submit – God will show up. 

These are a few oils I like to use:

Frankincense. The Oil of Truth.  Frankincense helps support a feeling of connectedness spiritually. Frankincense reminds you to feel loved and protected.  It can assist with spiritual connectedness, feeling distant from your physical or spiritual father, and battling spiritual darkness.

Melissa.  The Oil of Light.  This oil can assist individuals in receiving spiritual guidance by connecting them with their inner voice.  It helps one to feel uplifted, gives strength, and encourages inner light. It is a very high vibrational oil.

Clary Sage.  The Oil of Clarity and Vision.  Clary Sage helps to clear darkness, discouragement, and disconnection from the heavenly Father.  It promotes creativity and eliminates distractions from the mind. It can assist in visualizing.

Sandalwood.  The Oil of Sacred Devotion.  Sandalwood helps with prayer, meditation, and worship.  Historically, it has been used to prepare the spirit for connection with God.  It can help to quiet the mind so that the voice of the Father is more easily heard.

Wild Orange.  The Oil of Abundance.  Wild Orange inspires abundance, creativity and positivity.  It encourages one to let go of a scarcity mindset. It encourages a giving spirit and helps to bring forth fun and joy.  Helps to calm a racing mind and promote focus.

I get it. The house that you have never looks like the houses you scroll past in social media. Forget the house, how about the life in general.

Leave it to Facebook, Instagram and mom blogs to seriously pin point the lack we see in our own lives, amirite?

Juggling children, work, husband, sports, friends and self care can lead to legit burnout. Then add in trying to “keep up with the Joneses” (or the Kardashians) and it can have us feeling inferior, frustrated, depressed and guilty.

So what can we do when we only have a few minutes between breakfast and school or homework and sports practice?

I created a list of 10 things you can do to elevate the ordinary so you can easily put a smile on your face, enjoy more moments, and realize that life is happening right now(so embrace it)!

1. Use a fun, holiday mug to drink your morning coffee from. Something about a seasonal mug always adds a smile to my morning!

2. Write in a gratitude journal everyday. When you appreciate the ordinary, you see how extraordinary your life truly is!

3. Listen (and dance) to music. Whatever music you like, turn it on and turn it up! Move, sing and enjoy the moment!

4. Play! Make time to use play doh, color, do puzzles, ride a bike, play in leaves, etc… play will automatically raise your happy hormone!

5. Start your day planning on how you can make someone else happy! Your kids, husband, coworkers, or even the barista you get your coffee from. Plan how you can make them smile!

6. Exchange out your basics for holiday/seasonal upgrades. Hand towels, soaps, lotions, and small decor around your house can get a $20 season upgrade and automatically make you feel festive.

7. Embrace spontaneous gatherings. We are so worried about what our house looks like: the laundry on the couch, the kitchen clutter, and the toys being left out that we loose divine opportunities to enjoy fellowship. ***News Flash*** no one but you thinks your house is a tragic dirty mess, so bust out the charcuterie (whatever you have in the fridge), sit, and have meaningful conversations with friends!

8. Unplug. You know what this means. Stop comparing your life to others day in and day out. Get off the phone and participate in the life that is happening right before you.

9. Hug People. More and more I see less and less physical touch from people. Hug your kids, friends, family and spouse. The chemical response will surprise you.

10. Stop feeling bad about eating off paper plates and watching TV- we all do it! Yes, even the people who say they don’t!

BONUS: #11

Burn the ships! Retreat is easy when you have an option. Stop sinking back into the old lies, the old bitterness, and your old life – they are a safety net and you will always fall back on them if you keep them around! Learn to let things go and press forward into a new day!

Years ago, my sister used to tell me to “take my eyes out.”  She was referring to the look on my face when things were not going as expected. We used to joke about how I could “raise hell” when things were not going as planned and how most of the time people wouldn’t mess with me because of my RBF (you can google that on your own). I don’t mention this to brag, if anything, I’m ashamed of my past behavior. Instead I mention this to display how far I have come. 

Rededicating my life to Christ has been extremely rewarding. I have really focused on having more patience and understanding in less than stellar situations, but something kept eating at me still.  I know we all strive to be kind, understanding, and polite on an everyday basis, but what happens when we get really irritated? I know, I know, we are called to have patience in times of frustration, but at what point are we allowed to “lose our cool” as a Christian? At what point are we allowed to be perturbed? Just because we are Christians, does it mean we have to be doormats? 

• What happens when someone’s negligence causes an accident?
• What happens when someone’s lack of organization causes you to rearrange your schedule?
• What happens when someone’s lack of followthrough causes you extra work?
• What happens when someone’s lack of attention to detail causes an unsantificatory finished product?
• What happens when someone’s lack of professionalism causes a lost customer?
• What happens when someone’s lack of customer service causes you to waste your time?

I mean, do I really have to smile and say, “ I understand, It’s not a problem.” When honestly,  I don’t understand and it is a problem… a big problem? Are we called to absorb their inadequacies, because that is “Christ-like” 

I took to the Bible to get my answer. I just knew somewhere in the scriptures I would find the free pass to “give people a piece of my mind”. I kept looking for “ Thou are allowed to tell people off when they are consistently inadequate and cause you frustration,” but I was highly unsuccessful. In fact, I uncovered just the opposite, and, in all honesty, it made me upset. Why? Because it uncovered my heart.

This research exposed a whole bundle of self-centered attitudes in me: a critical spirit, a sense of entitlement, a refusal to offer grace, and a prideful heart. OUCH!

From scripture I learned that when I am consumed by someone else’s inadequacy, it is a perfect opportunity to ask, What does this say about me and my heart?

• Could my frustration mean I always assume the worst of others?
• Could my obsession with other business’s flaws say I have a critical spirit?
• Could my disappointment with my friends, kids, and spouse mean I am withholding grace?

Searching my own heart was no picnic. I did not start this blog thinking I would end up here. Like I said before, I really thought, I would have a right to “complain” and “be frustrated” but through scripture I received something even better: examination, conviction, and now, transformation.

I believe It’s normal to feel irritated and upset with other people, but God wants us to learn not to respond in the flesh.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:1-3)

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Colossians 3:13)

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)

I love how Doug Britton explained it:  “responding to others with grace means “bearing with” (or graciously putting up with) people. It means acknowledging that everyone has areas of weakness and that we all are works in progress. It means loving people in spite of their personalities, habits, and faults.

Through prayer, I am starting to see my disappointments and frustrations in a new light. I have been praying that I no longer use these incidences as opportunities to expose where others lack, complaining and pointing out how their inadequacies have put me out or caused unwanted stress. I instead have asked God to use these moments as opportunities to uncover impurities in my own heart, so I may be the salt and the light!

Bear with me though, I’m not perfect! 

Do you speak poorly of your boss and how mean they are? In reality, you’re talking about your own lack of patience and understanding.

Are you gossiping to one friend about another friend who is bothering you?  What you’re really doing is telling the one friend that she can’t trust you not to talk about her too. My mom used to say, “those who talk to you, talk about you” and I still use that wisdom to this day!

Do you bad mouth your spouse to your friends, family or on social media? Then you are simply showing your own lack of integrity and trust.

In the past I have fallen prey to talking poorly of others or, at the least, not leaving or changing the subject when gossip starts. However, these days I’m learning to keep my mouth shut unless it’s truly out of kindness.  When I talk about people, I want it to only be in a good way.

So how do you get out of situations where people are speaking poorly of others?

This is not an easy situation. On one side you want to help the person that is talking through the issue but you also want to defend the person being discussed (since they are not there).

My suggestion is to simply ask why they are telling you this information. That usually indicates to them, you do not want to partake in the gossip and most of the time the subject gets changed. Secondly, you can state that it might be best to take the issues/concerns up with the person directly if they truly want a solution.

Something like,

“ I can see this is difficult for you, you may want to talk with them directly.”

Or

“ I don’t see how I can be much help, this sounds like a discussion for you guys and I hope you guys can work it out.”

Not all people who gossip do it to intentionally hurt others. In fact, divisive speech sometimes is meant to be cathartic (but honestly, it’s still not good). Studies also show that people often talk about other people as a way to avoid looking at something difficult or painful in themselves. The gossiper is likely hurting, scared, insecure, jealous or seeking attention and it’s possible you may be able to change the topic matter and help them instead.

Use this checklist, then excuse yourself from the conversation if it doesn’t sit well in your heart.

• Is the gossip cathartic in nature or vengeful?
• Is only one side of the story being told?
• Do stories or instances seem exaggerated?
• Is the gossiper seeking validation for their own feelings or behaviors?

At some point, we have been the victim of slander and the ring leader of the gossip circle.

We have all experienced the destruction gossip leaves behind.Whether we mean direct harm, or not, the result of gossip is always broken trust and hurt feelings.

Some quotes to ponder

“I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

People gossip. People are insecure, so they talk about other people so that they won’t be talked about. They point out flaws in other people to make them feel good about themselves.” ~ Blake Lively

“Often those that criticize others reveal what he himself lacks.” ~ Shannon L. Alder

“If you can’t say anything nice, then don’t say anything at all.”  ~ Aesop (c.620-560 BC)

One of my all-time favorites:

“Gossip needn’t be false to be evil – there’s a lot of truth that shouldn’t be passed around.” ~ Frank A. Clark

All along I have been telling my God about my struggles when I should have been telling my struggles about my God.

I have not been living a life of expectancy . What we receive from God depends on our level of expectancy. If we expect little, we will receive little. If we expect the impossible, then He will deliver.

Don’t let go of what you expect just because you don’t get it how you thought you were going to get it or in the time frame you wanted. As Matthew 7:7 says, “Ask, Seek, and Knock.” Perserverance is the key!

God “works all things together for our good.” But you have to believe and expect that to be true! Like really believe that!

The secret to waiting is expectancy. When you believe God will do what He says, you will not give up waiting for His timing.

I see this in my own kids daily, as they ask me for snacks, drinks, screen time, etc.

When they ask I often respond with, “ not right now” or “in a minute”

Do they get impatient, sure, but they expect me to feed them and they believe they will be taken care of. I don’t always provide for them on their timeline, sometimes things have to get aligned before I can provide.

I realized through this epiphany, that I had lost my spirit of expectancy with my Father. I have called out to Him and He has said, “wait!” Instead of being patient and waiting for His time (like I expect my own children to do with me), I gave up on believing He would even show up at all.

My kids are also getting to an age where, as their parent they can expect me to provide, but they also need to actively participate. Often times, they will ask for me to get them something to eat to which I reply,” you can get up and get it.” As the provider, I got the food to the fridge, but they have to actively participate in feeding their hunger pangs.

Ugh! When God showed me this I was like, “okay God, I hear ya!”

Having a spirit of expectancy helps recognize that God is in control of the ebb and flow in your life but we must trust Him, and actively participate in our lives too. Sometimes He is telling us we have to get up, and go get what He has already provided.We are not victims, simply waiting around for God to feed us at our leisure.

Be hungry

Be expectant

Be faithful

Be active

Crisis-prone people are a storm cloud in otherwise calm skies.

They display a pattern of attention-seeking emotions, an excessive need for approval and boredom usually provokes a need for them to stir something up. Some other behaviors may include:

• constantly creating drama
• picking arguments
• thriving on emotional highs and lows
• complaining about being gossiped about
• gossiping themselves
• seeking attention in person or on social media
• taking on a victim mentality

If this resonates with you, know that seeking help through prayer can provide strength and hope.

1. Ask Holy Spirit to guide you on ways to restructure your thoughts and revisit your reactions and responses.

2. Ask God to help you distinguish a real crisis from a manufactured one, and to help you find the rewards in calmness rather than calamity.

3. When you feel angry and resentful, release those feelings to God.

4. When you feel empty, remember your identity in Christ.

Take every thought captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and be slow to anger (James 1:19).

God’s Word is ALWAYS truer than our worldly interpretations, and His commands are right, where our flesh driven tendencies and desires stir us wrong.

Does this sound like a friend or family member? Here is how you can help:

1. Pray for them

2. Have biblical boundaries and a strong heart. Love them but you don’t have to pick up the phone all hours of the night.

3. Lovingly point out the consequences of their crisis prone tendencies

4. Recognize when a discussion is spiraling out of control and redirected the conversation

5. Speak Truth over them, and focus your our heart on God to keep you stable.

And last, but not least:

6. You must forgive the neediness, the overthinking, the lies, and the unwarranted emotional outbursts. You may need to spend some time apart, but use it as an opportunity to seek guidance from God, not out of anger or punishment to them.

“Love covers all offenses”

(Proverbs 10:12, ESV).