None of us set out to hurt people when we wake up each morning, but unfortunately we do. It is one of the worst feelings, when someone you care about tells you that you hurt them. So here are 4 ways you are more than likely hurting the people you love:
- Treating them as if they are you. Providing advice, constructive criticism, or even training, from the perspective that they should perform, think and act like you, is a surefire way to hurt people’s feelings. We all have different pasts, finances experiences, support systems, beliefs, values and other things that make us unique. We have to meet people where THEY are at and then move forward.
- Criticizing instead of Helping. Before you speak, get in tune with your intentions. Are you trying to build them up, train, encourage and help them? If so, review what you are going to say (and how you are going to say it) then ask yourself if someone you respected was saying it to you, how would you feel?
- Not realizing your perception is NOT their reality. What you say and do and what they hear and feel are very different. Most people feel hurt when your intentions do not match their experience. Saying it was not your intent to hurt someone with your words or actions does not simply make everything great again. Behavior change is needed. Reflect on the behavior and make changes the next time
- Using text or email to explain a tough subject. Tonality, voice inflection and facial expressions can not be seen or heard, from either party, when we use electronics. When discussing a hot topic, a blind spot, or something that could be misconstrued, a face to face conversation (or video chat) is best.
Work on these four things and watch your relationships grow and flourish!
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